I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
