Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Two words: nipple clamps
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