our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
You need Xanax blowdarts
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
