Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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