at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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