my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
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