they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Randomize
