Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
