12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
