2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
