So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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