Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
well you can't waste a boner
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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