the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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