note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
