I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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