we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Randomize
