whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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