Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
