There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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