you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
