The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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