The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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