Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Can you bring me the toilet please
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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