She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Randomize
