It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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