girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
her facebook's as public as her vagina
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
