Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize