I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Text me some of your sweat
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
