This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
this is an emotional support booty call
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Randomize
