It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
All the doctor said was why
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
