she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
sarcasm needs its own font
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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