I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
