the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
