I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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