Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
