it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
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