GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
His hands were made for my vagina.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Randomize
