I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I pour the whiskey from now on
Randomize
