yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Randomize
