He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Randomize
