what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
