3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Randomize
