Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
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