DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
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