So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
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