I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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