We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Randomize
