In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Couch. On fire.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
