i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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