I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
