Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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