PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
