you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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