Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
is it fun? or sober?
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