i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
