i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Randomize
