Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
