what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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