how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
