I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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