She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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