I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Randomize
