I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Randomize
