we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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