I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
