Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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