some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
