Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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