I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
