It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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