Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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