if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
