Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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