Got a toothbrush?
Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
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