If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
You left your phone here
Wait...
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