I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Too much gin, very little bucket
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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