I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
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