There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I think a kid would responsible me up
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
