Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Randomize
