I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
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