Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
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