i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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