I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Randomize
