you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
