My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
