my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Randomize
